I am a grandma!

 Big changes coming this year. Took a voluntary retirement with a monetary package. After 39 years, I won't be coming to work as of April 1st.  The other big change, I will be moving. After 49 years in the same place, I am getting out of there.  Change is a little scary, but necessary.

 zi have just realized how much my childhood has affected me. For years, my so called "mother" would have me wake her up. Then she would say "just a few more minutes." Now I am obsessed with keeping time. I arrive early for appointments. So many things I didn't realize were affected by my early years.

 Not sure what my life means. Didn't ask to be born. Didn't ask to be given away. Didn't ask to be in a violent family. When I think back, when I started to fight back, that is when they asked me to leave. No wonder I have preferred to be alone all these years.

 When I was 2, my mother gave me away. She then went on to have 3 more kids that she kept. The people she gave me to were abusive. They split when I was 8. Life went on. When I was 15 I was thrown out because the "boyfriend" didn't like me. From then on, I had one failed relationship after another. My last one wanted me to choose him over my son. Not going to happen. So no, nobody has ever truly loved me. Sad.

It's sad, but I realized tonight that no one has ever truly loved me. That sounds pathetic, I know, but it is true. I have been used, abused and ignored. But never loved. I accept that now. Wow, it took me 69 years to realize this. 

I am becoming a bit of a hermit. Most friends I had have either passed away or moved away. I don't make friends easily, I am an introvert. I am tired of people putting me down and making fun of me. I expressed my thoughts on something and was made to feel stupid. I recently thought about buying a new car, then thought it might be too large for me. I was made fun of by my own son. I think my granddaughter thinks less of me because of where I live (all her other relatives live in houses while I live in an apartment). It feels like she is ashamed of me. I have lived here for almost 47 years. I like my apartment. It is less expensive then many places around town, lets me have my dogs, I have a park across the street from me as well as a pool and tennis courts. It is not the poshest, but I am used to it. I have never wanted a house and all the responsibilities that come with it. As a single parent, I would not have been able to afford it.  I have a 25 year old Toyota Corolla. I was inte...

 I am so conflicted right now. Maybe it is empty nest syndrome, I don't know.  This Christmas, I spent a couple of hours with the family, had breakfast, opened presents. It was nice. But I didn't even decorate, no tree, nothing. Nobody was coming over, so why bother. My friends have died or moved away. FB is crappy, nobody is posting much anymore. The friends I still have are dealing with their own issues. So I, of course, am alone again. Seems like I have always been.  I know my son has his own life now, that's as it should be. However they spend more time with her family than with me. He has always wanted a big family, now he has one. But it seems I am not part of it. They did include me for a while, which was nice and appreciated, and I understand they are not under any obligation to include me. So they haven't for the past few years. So I spend most of Christmas, and will spend New Year, on my own. I was hoping I could be friends with the in-laws, but doesn't se...

 We have had the most fantastic fall so far. These are photos of the sunset a couple of nights ago. Absolutely amazing. Temperatures in the high 50s low 60s. Can't believe we are half way through November and I am still able to wear my sandals. Then we had a couple of days of rain and gray skies. We are supposed to get snow later this week. But a couple of days ago, I stopped into a store and got a great deal on a pair of winter boots. Usually sell for $120 and got them for $53 on sale.  I guess all good things must come to an end. At least now I am prepared.  I have also finished my Christmas shopping. Might pick up a couple of other things, but am finished for the most part.  Crappy, though, that a boss I really liked got fired a week and a half ago. I miss her. I am now stuck with a boss who I don't mind, but didn't really like. Our workplace has gotten really toxic. One worker, who is a POC, accuses everyone of racism whenever she doesn't get her own way. So sad....

 I am so conflicted. Got a text from my brother that my mom has died. Don't really feel much. She had me at 16, no judgement, and gave me up a year later. Then she had another child that she gave up. Then she had my brother, all different fathers. Still no judgement. She then went on to have 2 more with someone she married, However, whenever I met her, all the talk was about how everything went with her "family". This had nothing to do with me, the "family" she gave me to was extremely abusive. So, while I regret she has died, I don't have any real feelings. It is what it is. She had pancreatic cancer, so I felt it was more beneficial for her to pass. Then, today, I learned that a neighbor, and a good friend, passed. I watched the ambulance outside of my apartment for quite a while. I felt more for the neighbor than I did for my mom. I am not a horrible person for this. I perceive this as you get what you put into this. Olga, I am so sorry I didn't get t...

 Well, 10 months in from my shoulder. Can't believe it still isn't totally healed. Got to keep on with the exercises. Work is totally fucked up. Don't know where to go anymore. So tired of company politics. But who knew old age would be so profitable. Collecting Old Age Security and Provincial Retirement. Even with taxes taken off, still will be of help. Maybe I can start looking for that new car soon?  Not much else to talk about. Life is kind of boring right now. Same old, same old. Look for the bright spots, people. Enjoy the sunsets, or sunrises. Me, I like to look at the watch the ducks in the park. Interesting to see the interactions of the males and females. Probably going to have lots of ducklings soon.  Anyhow, in these tough times, be kind to others, but also be kind to yourselves. Be good to each other and take care of you.  Love to all.

 Well, in a few hours I turn 66. Not a big deal. Never even thought I would make it to this. HAHA.  Shocked my doctor. Went for my 6-month check up. They were testing my mobility with my shoulder. His diagnosis: Holy Shit. I guess I exceeded where he expected me to be at this time. I have worked at it, basically by just using the arm as I normally would. Don't have much else to talk about, pretty boring life. To everyone, keep on keeping on. 

 Almost 22 months since the pandemic started. I know people are getting tired of the regulations, but they are there to protect everyone. Still, there are people who are so selfish, they just demand attention. They are doing stupid things. So sad and frustrating.  Arm is doing much better. I don't think I will ever get 100% back, but I am happy with where it is at right now, about 85%. As long as I can do what I need to do, I am happy.  I'm trying to keep working from home, at least for the next 3 months. Hope they will accept it. Dogs get so stressed out when I am not here. Although, the way they greet me when I do work in the office all day is so sweet. They are happy I am back home. Have had back pain the last few days. Thought I would get out my mats and do some stretching exercises. Yeah. Good luck with that. Hahaha. Pups figured they would take over the mats. Can't blame them. It has been so cold, the bare floor must be torture. Oh, well. With time they will move of...

 Really made a mess of myself. Broke my shoulder and had to have surgery to repair it.  The surgery went well, plate and pins in place. Interesting bandage they put as I was allergic to the tape they originally used, The darker marks are blisters from the tape. I hope I heal quickly. Everyone tells me not to expect anything for at least 6 months. I don't think so.

Cassidy and pups. Finally got to see Cassidy for a few hours on Mother's Day. She was happy to see my pups, and I think they were happy to see her too.  The pup on the right is soon to be part of the family too. They are adopting him, Charlie, from the same person in Mexico that rescued my two. Damn COVID is delaying him coming to Canada. I am sure he will be well worth the wait. Other than that, it is now 14 months of working from home. No sign of when we will get back to our offices. Might not be until January. They will be moving our offices, so we will have to go in and pack everything. So glad I scanned all my files. That much less to pack up. At least the weather is getting better. Need a few solid days of warmth for my apartment to warm up. Until then, slippers and sweaters. But my tulips are starting to bloom and my peonies are coming back and growing. Last year they got mowed and weed whacked. Replanted them in a safer place and they are growing again.   

 It is now 9 months that I have been working from home. So tired of this. People are being idiots and not listening to the rules of the health services. How selfish. Haven't seen my family for a while. Won't see them (except by zoom) for Christmas. I am forgetting how to talk to people. Work is insane at the moment. I know the vaccine is here, but I don't even know when, or if, I will be able to get it. What do people not understand about this situation? I am tired. And now Winter is setting in. The cold is getting to me. At least I will be having Christmas eve dinner with a neighbor. That is something I am looking forward to. I am also turning 65 next year. So many big events. Arggghhhh!!

I have lived here 45 years now. I have never seen Canada geese in our park. It has been so hot the past couple of days. Poor pups can't get a decent walk. Not sure what caught their attention. Just one of our many short walks. Will have Cassidy for the next couple of days. That should be interesting as I am currently working from home. 

Long time since I have posted on here. So many changes. Kayla is gone. I still miss her after 4 years. Found this sweetheart in 2016. His name is Cian, which is Celtic for Warrior. He had been hit by a car that broke his back leg, he lay on the side of the road most of the day in high heat. He comes from the Yucatan in Mexico. He turned out to be so lazy that I decided I would get another dog after 2 years. She came from the same rescuer in the Yucatan. She had fallen off a roof in Mexico, broke her front paw and back leg. When her rescuer said she was coming to Montreal and had no one to take her, I told her I would.  The first couple of days were rocky, but they soon became good friends. Neither really like the rain. But we all like the sun. 2020 has brought so many challenges from the start. COVID-19 hit hard with so many people. It was a few months before I got to see this sweetheart again.She is growing up so fast. Managed t...

God, I am boring. Nothing much happening in my life. Work, home, dogs. Repeat. We had our first snow of the winter. Crap, too early. I still need to use my bike for the rest of the month. Getting dicey out there, though. Might have to start walking to work instead. Oh, well. I have dealt with worse. Just wish I didn't have this damn bunion. Hurts like hell. At least biking doesn't irritate it. Life could be worse, I guess. But not by much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ5omivagGM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ5omivagGM