I am so conflicted. Got a text from my brother that my mom has died. Don't really feel much. She had me at 16, no judgement, and gave me up a year later. Then she had another child that she gave up. Then she had my brother, all different fathers. Still no judgement. She then went on to have 2 more with someone she married, However, whenever I met her, all the talk was about how everything went with her "family". This had nothing to do with me, the "family" she gave me to was extremely abusive. So, while I regret she has died, I don't have any real feelings. It is what it is. She had pancreatic cancer, so I felt it was more beneficial for her to pass. Then, today, I learned that a neighbor, and a good friend, passed. I watched the ambulance outside of my apartment for quite a while. I felt more for the neighbor than I did for my mom. I am not a horrible person for this. I perceive this as you get what you put into this. Olga, I am so sorry I didn't get t...
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When I was 2, my mother gave me away. She then went on to have 3 more kids that she kept. The people she gave me to were abusive. They split when I was 8. Life went on. When I was 15 I was thrown out because the "boyfriend" didn't like me. From then on, I had one failed relationship after another. My last one wanted me to choose him over my son. Not going to happen. So no, nobody has ever truly loved me. Sad.
Well, 10 months in from my shoulder. Can't believe it still isn't totally healed. Got to keep on with the exercises. Work is totally fucked up. Don't know where to go anymore. So tired of company politics. But who knew old age would be so profitable. Collecting Old Age Security and Provincial Retirement. Even with taxes taken off, still will be of help. Maybe I can start looking for that new car soon? Not much else to talk about. Life is kind of boring right now. Same old, same old. Look for the bright spots, people. Enjoy the sunsets, or sunrises. Me, I like to look at the watch the ducks in the park. Interesting to see the interactions of the males and females. Probably going to have lots of ducklings soon. Anyhow, in these tough times, be kind to others, but also be kind to yourselves. Be good to each other and take care of you. Love to all.
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