zi have just realized how much my childhood has affected me. For years, my so called "mother" would have me wake her up. Then she would say "just a few more minutes." Now I am obsessed with keeping time. I arrive early for appointments. So many things I didn't realize were affected by my early years.
I am so conflicted. Got a text from my brother that my mom has died. Don't really feel much. She had me at 16, no judgement, and gave me up a year later. Then she had another child that she gave up. Then she had my brother, all different fathers. Still no judgement. She then went on to have 2 more with someone she married, However, whenever I met her, all the talk was about how everything went with her "family". This had nothing to do with me, the "family" she gave me to was extremely abusive. So, while I regret she has died, I don't have any real feelings. It is what it is. She had pancreatic cancer, so I felt it was more beneficial for her to pass. Then, today, I learned that a neighbor, and a good friend, passed. I watched the ambulance outside of my apartment for quite a while. I felt more for the neighbor than I did for my mom. I am not a horrible person for this. I perceive this as you get what you put into this. Olga, I am so sorry I didn't get t...
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