I am becoming a bit of a hermit. Most friends I had have either passed away or moved away. I don't make friends easily, I am an introvert.
I am tired of people putting me down and making fun of me. I expressed my thoughts on something and was made to feel stupid. I recently thought about buying a new car, then thought it might be too large for me. I was made fun of by my own son. I think my granddaughter thinks less of me because of where I live (all her other relatives live in houses while I live in an apartment). It feels like she is ashamed of me. I have lived here for almost 47 years.
I like my apartment. It is less expensive then many places around town, lets me have my dogs, I have a park across the street from me as well as a pool and tennis courts. It is not the poshest, but I am used to it. I have never wanted a house and all the responsibilities that come with it. As a single parent, I would not have been able to afford it.
I have a 25 year old Toyota Corolla. I was interested in the new Corolla Cross. I saw one down the street from me that is not too much bigger than the Corolla I own. However, the model I was shown was about 6 inches taller than my 5'2". I loved the car, but have never driven anything that large. My son made fun of me when I stated my concerns. There is such a thing as anxiety over a huge purchase like this. Guess not everyone has it. But I do.
The hell with this. I don't need this. With all the problems I have at work, I don't need them in my private life too.
I am still flip-flopping on the car. I think I might wait until the test drive to make my final decision. I really thought I did not want to have a car, but it is so seductive.
I have sort of cut myself off from everyone for now. My feelings count. I don't deserve to be dismissed or made fun of. I have had this most of my life. Enough.
I am tired. I am sad. I think I am in a bit of depression. I hope I can snap out of it soon.
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