I am so conflicted right now. Maybe it is empty nest syndrome, I don't know. 

This Christmas, I spent a couple of hours with the family, had breakfast, opened presents. It was nice. But I didn't even decorate, no tree, nothing. Nobody was coming over, so why bother. My friends have died or moved away. FB is crappy, nobody is posting much anymore. The friends I still have are dealing with their own issues. So I, of course, am alone again. Seems like I have always been. 

I know my son has his own life now, that's as it should be. However they spend more time with her family than with me. He has always wanted a big family, now he has one. But it seems I am not part of it. They did include me for a while, which was nice and appreciated, and I understand they are not under any obligation to include me. So they haven't for the past few years. So I spend most of Christmas, and will spend New Year, on my own. I was hoping I could be friends with the in-laws, but doesn't seem possible. They are polite, but....

I tried calling my son one night, and most of the conversation was him yawning. He is 20 years younger than me, for crying out loud. If I stop over, Cassie is on her tablet and hardly says 2 words to me. Wow. 

I have always been on my own, don't rely on anyone. Too many have let me down. I know I sound pathetic, but just had to vent. For some reason it is hitting me harder this year. Maybe because of all the crap happening at work. That I can't control. Seems I can't control my life either. 

Oh well. Them's the breaks. You can't always get what you want! This is how I feel, at the moment. My feelings are valid. I don't want pity, I just want recognition and respect. Not too much to ask. I have always done the best I could. I will keep doing that. 

Merry Christmas, everyone. Happy and safe New Year. May you be healthy, happy and all your dreams come true.

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