When I was 2, my mother gave me away. She then went on to have 3 more kids that she kept. The people she gave me to were abusive. They split when I was 8. Life went on. When I was 15 I was thrown out because the "boyfriend" didn't like me. From then on, I had one failed relationship after another. My last one wanted me to choose him over my son. Not going to happen. So no, nobody has ever truly loved me. Sad.
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I am becoming a bit of a hermit. Most friends I had have either passed away or moved away. I don't make friends easily, I am an introvert. I am tired of people putting me down and making fun of me. I expressed my thoughts on something and was made to feel stupid. I recently thought about buying a new car, then thought it might be too large for me. I was made fun of by my own son. I think my granddaughter thinks less of me because of where I live (all her other relatives live in houses while I live in an apartment). It feels like she is ashamed of me. I have lived here for almost 47 years. I like my apartment. It is less expensive then many places around town, lets me have my dogs, I have a park across the street from me as well as a pool and tennis courts. It is not the poshest, but I am used to it. I have never wanted a house and all the responsibilities that come with it. As a single parent, I would not have been able to afford it. I have a 25 year old Toyota Corolla. I was inte...
I am so conflicted right now. Maybe it is empty nest syndrome, I don't know. This Christmas, I spent a couple of hours with the family, had breakfast, opened presents. It was nice. But I didn't even decorate, no tree, nothing. Nobody was coming over, so why bother. My friends have died or moved away. FB is crappy, nobody is posting much anymore. The friends I still have are dealing with their own issues. So I, of course, am alone again. Seems like I have always been. I know my son has his own life now, that's as it should be. However they spend more time with her family than with me. He has always wanted a big family, now he has one. But it seems I am not part of it. They did include me for a while, which was nice and appreciated, and I understand they are not under any obligation to include me. So they haven't for the past few years. So I spend most of Christmas, and will spend New Year, on my own. I was hoping I could be friends with the in-laws, but doesn't se...
We have had the most fantastic fall so far. These are photos of the sunset a couple of nights ago. Absolutely amazing. Temperatures in the high 50s low 60s. Can't believe we are half way through November and I am still able to wear my sandals. Then we had a couple of days of rain and gray skies. We are supposed to get snow later this week. But a couple of days ago, I stopped into a store and got a great deal on a pair of winter boots. Usually sell for $120 and got them for $53 on sale. I guess all good things must come to an end. At least now I am prepared. I have also finished my Christmas shopping. Might pick up a couple of other things, but am finished for the most part. Crappy, though, that a boss I really liked got fired a week and a half ago. I miss her. I am now stuck with a boss who I don't mind, but didn't really like. Our workplace has gotten really toxic. One worker, who is a POC, accuses everyone of racism whenever she doesn't get her own way. So sad....
I am so conflicted. Got a text from my brother that my mom has died. Don't really feel much. She had me at 16, no judgement, and gave me up a year later. Then she had another child that she gave up. Then she had my brother, all different fathers. Still no judgement. She then went on to have 2 more with someone she married, However, whenever I met her, all the talk was about how everything went with her "family". This had nothing to do with me, the "family" she gave me to was extremely abusive. So, while I regret she has died, I don't have any real feelings. It is what it is. She had pancreatic cancer, so I felt it was more beneficial for her to pass. Then, today, I learned that a neighbor, and a good friend, passed. I watched the ambulance outside of my apartment for quite a while. I felt more for the neighbor than I did for my mom. I am not a horrible person for this. I perceive this as you get what you put into this. Olga, I am so sorry I didn't get t...
Well, 10 months in from my shoulder. Can't believe it still isn't totally healed. Got to keep on with the exercises. Work is totally fucked up. Don't know where to go anymore. So tired of company politics. But who knew old age would be so profitable. Collecting Old Age Security and Provincial Retirement. Even with taxes taken off, still will be of help. Maybe I can start looking for that new car soon? Not much else to talk about. Life is kind of boring right now. Same old, same old. Look for the bright spots, people. Enjoy the sunsets, or sunrises. Me, I like to look at the watch the ducks in the park. Interesting to see the interactions of the males and females. Probably going to have lots of ducklings soon. Anyhow, in these tough times, be kind to others, but also be kind to yourselves. Be good to each other and take care of you. Love to all.