zi have just realized how much my childhood has affected me. For years, my so called "mother" would have me wake her up. Then she would say "just a few more minutes." Now I am obsessed with keeping time. I arrive early for appointments. So many things I didn't realize were affected by my early years.
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When I was 2, my mother gave me away. She then went on to have 3 more kids that she kept. The people she gave me to were abusive. They split when I was 8. Life went on. When I was 15 I was thrown out because the "boyfriend" didn't like me. From then on, I had one failed relationship after another. My last one wanted me to choose him over my son. Not going to happen. So no, nobody has ever truly loved me. Sad.
I am becoming a bit of a hermit. Most friends I had have either passed away or moved away. I don't make friends easily, I am an introvert. I am tired of people putting me down and making fun of me. I expressed my thoughts on something and was made to feel stupid. I recently thought about buying a new car, then thought it might be too large for me. I was made fun of by my own son. I think my granddaughter thinks less of me because of where I live (all her other relatives live in houses while I live in an apartment). It feels like she is ashamed of me. I have lived here for almost 47 years. I like my apartment. It is less expensive then many places around town, lets me have my dogs, I have a park across the street from me as well as a pool and tennis courts. It is not the poshest, but I am used to it. I have never wanted a house and all the responsibilities that come with it. As a single parent, I would not have been able to afford it. I have a 25 year old Toyota Corolla. I was inte...
I am so conflicted right now. Maybe it is empty nest syndrome, I don't know. This Christmas, I spent a couple of hours with the family, had breakfast, opened presents. It was nice. But I didn't even decorate, no tree, nothing. Nobody was coming over, so why bother. My friends have died or moved away. FB is crappy, nobody is posting much anymore. The friends I still have are dealing with their own issues. So I, of course, am alone again. Seems like I have always been. I know my son has his own life now, that's as it should be. However they spend more time with her family than with me. He has always wanted a big family, now he has one. But it seems I am not part of it. They did include me for a while, which was nice and appreciated, and I understand they are not under any obligation to include me. So they haven't for the past few years. So I spend most of Christmas, and will spend New Year, on my own. I was hoping I could be friends with the in-laws, but doesn't se...
We have had the most fantastic fall so far. These are photos of the sunset a couple of nights ago. Absolutely amazing. Temperatures in the high 50s low 60s. Can't believe we are half way through November and I am still able to wear my sandals. Then we had a couple of days of rain and gray skies. We are supposed to get snow later this week. But a couple of days ago, I stopped into a store and got a great deal on a pair of winter boots. Usually sell for $120 and got them for $53 on sale. I guess all good things must come to an end. At least now I am prepared. I have also finished my Christmas shopping. Might pick up a couple of other things, but am finished for the most part. Crappy, though, that a boss I really liked got fired a week and a half ago. I miss her. I am now stuck with a boss who I don't mind, but didn't really like. Our workplace has gotten really toxic. One worker, who is a POC, accuses everyone of racism whenever she doesn't get her own way. So sad....