I am a grandma!

 zi have just realized how much my childhood has affected me. For years, my so called "mother" would have me wake her up. Then she would say "just a few more minutes." Now I am obsessed with keeping time. I arrive early for appointments. So many things I didn't realize were affected by my early years.

 Not sure what my life means. Didn't ask to be born. Didn't ask to be given away. Didn't ask to be in a violent family. When I think back, when I started to fight back, that is when they asked me to leave. No wonder I have preferred to be alone all these years.

 When I was 2, my mother gave me away. She then went on to have 3 more kids that she kept. The people she gave me to were abusive. They split when I was 8. Life went on. When I was 15 I was thrown out because the "boyfriend" didn't like me. From then on, I had one failed relationship after another. My last one wanted me to choose him over my son. Not going to happen. So no, nobody has ever truly loved me. Sad.

It's sad, but I realized tonight that no one has ever truly loved me. That sounds pathetic, I know, but it is true. I have been used, abused and ignored. But never loved. I accept that now. Wow, it took me 69 years to realize this.